Perhaps it’s that cute coworker who always laughs at your jokes, or the woman who lives two floors below you. Maybe she once complimented your outfit, or you’ve realized just how common your interests are. Whoever she is, now you’re sitting there, thinking of her, and wondering how to get a girl to like you.
Well, we’ve gone ahead and assembled these tips to ensure that instead of just thinking about her, you’re taking steps to pique her interest.
Interesting & Casual
Ever hear that expression about first impressions and their importance? Well, it didn’t lie. Without a strong introduction, you’re starting off at a disadvantage. Remember, you have good taste; if you’re interested, so are other guys. Set yourself apart, by leading with something interesting but casual. Comment on a background detail of a picture of hers, or dive into a shared mutual interest. Just make sure it’s unique while being casual. Pickup lines are notorious for seeming too strong from the beginning, so keep it something simple that makes her want to respond after the very first message.
Curiosity is a plus
Question, elaboration, question, elaboration, question. Nothing is more attractive than someone who knows how to listen, and is actually curious to learn more about someone. Ask her about her family, her job, and her tastes; make your questions stand out. Too many guys fall into the trap of wanting to just talk about themselves nonstop, but it’s much simpler than that. People like to share – let her share all about herself, and listen. Bonus points if you can make connections back to earlier things she’s told you.
Clear as a crystal
Be clear with your intentions when talking to someone that interests you. While she should love your conversations, occasional reminders of your desires, through well-timed compliments and flirting, is key. Otherwise, you risk falling into the friend trap, where you’re her best buddy, but not someone with whom she’s interested in heading out on a date. Don’t fall into the dreaded friend-zone because you’re too busy acting like a pen pal to make a move.
Find the common interests, right off the bat
When making new friends, we tend to search for things we have in common with people. This is doubly important in romantic endeavors, as we need to know we’ll be compatible with someone before we’re willing to enter a relationship with them. Therefore, it’s important to seek out and establish the areas in which you’re both interested quite early on. Finding these can be as simple as asking about her favorite books, and can go all the way to political activism, hobbies, and activities with which she’s familiar.
Plan any early dates or meetings around those interests
Both art enthusiasts? Then the new art exhibit down the street will serve as a significantly nicer first date than dinner in a stuffy restaurant. Both prefer horror films over romantic comedies? Then definitely keep that in mind if asking whether she’d like to join you for a wine night with an accompanying feature presentation. These interests are great opportunities to find something you know she’ll find fun, as well as spend some time together. Furthermore, they’re great ways of integrating each other in more than just conversations.
Introduce her to more
However, don’t stick to just the things you both love. If she expresses curiosity in a major hobby or interest of yours, offer to introduce her to it. This can range from taking her with you to your local paintball arena the next time you go, or teaching her how to fish if she’s never done it before. The benefit here is that you will establish yourself as not just someone who can complement her existing ideas and interests, but also add to them in fun and exciting ways.
Perfect the product
If you’re a salesman, you’re trying to make sure that you’re selling the best possible product to any prospective clients. The same goes for attracting girls. Ensure that you’re doing all you can to make yourself as appealing as possible; not just for that specific girl that you’re into, but every girl. Whether it’s a fresh shave, good hygiene, wearing better-fitting clothes, or hitting the gym, making sure that you’re as desirable as can be is a natural first step. And when setting up any sort of online profile, make sure you’re showcasing all the right perks.
Humor, Humor, Humor
It should go without saying, but everyone loves to laugh. The great thing about humor is that it’s flexible. Whether you have a dry wit or make silly puns, be confident in your sense of humor, and that confidence will show. Even if you do not find yourself funny, the ability to poke fun at yourself will translate to confidence, which is always a good thing. The only thing to avoid, at least at first, is dark or morbid humor. Girls may respond negatively to someone they’re not familiar with who is constantly using edgy or offensive humor.
Diversify the conversation
Conversations can run dry – it happens. To ensure your special lady isn’t getting bored, make sure you’re changing the conversation up. If talking about routine daily issues, switch to issues of larger general interest. If you’re discussing family and it’s going nowhere, switch to her aspirations or her dream country to live in. Just remember to always keep the conversation one that she will be yearning to return to.
Remember the big & small
Few things can be more upsetting than when you tell someone something important and they forget within minutes. Keeping this in mind, once you’re talking to the girl it’s vital to remember the things she tells you. The big things, such as job and family and friends’ names, are important, because they’re likely to come up much more in conversation, and you don’t want to have her feeling like she has to repeat herself constantly with you. Meanwhile, small details are great opportunities to showcase your caring and listening skills. If she brings up her friend Roberta having a rough day, asking her if it’s the same Roberta who recently got engaged will demonstrate that you’re someone who doesn’t just ask questions, but listens to the answers too.
Avoid the sensitives
At least at first, avoid discussing issues of extreme sensitivity with any girl to whom you’re attracted. Generally, these tend to be matters such as politics, religion, sexuality, and finance. While these can be delicately handled, a misunderstanding or perceived slight in any of these more personal matters early on can leave a sour taste in the woman’s mouth. Rather, stick to conversation topics that will be hard to blunder, leaving the more topical matters to when you two have established a better rapport. The chat room is for the lighter stuff.
One foot on the pedal, one on the brake
It’s vital to exercise restraint. Once you’ve introduced yourself, it can be tempting to talk every moment of every day, especially in online dating or chat rooms where you’re not necessarily seeing them daily. But there is no easier way to turning a girl off to you than by persistently messaging her. Rather, employ a two-prong approach, where you talk for a few days, before taking a day off. In some cases, she may reach out to you, establishing her desire to speak to you as well. At the very least, she will notice your absence after multiple days of conversation, subconsciously registering in her mind that you are not available at her beck and call.
Respect – a constant
One thing that should never, ever be put into question is your respect for her as an autonomous, independent woman. While it’s plenty fine to joke and tease, the second a girl questions whether you respect her, you’ve lost everything. Respect the boundaries she sets, respect her choices, and definitely respect any signs she gives off. She’ll pick up on this, and see that unlike many men who just rush in and expect success, you’re being courteous and gentlemanly. This will set you aside from the flock, and leave her with a significantly more positive image of you in her mind.
Be BOLD
No, this does not mean sending out unsolicited pictures, especially since this will go against many chat room rules. Rather, it means making bold choices that show you’re not afraid to be assertive or daring. Women tend to like men who aren’t complacent, but rather demonstrate their willingness to work for what they want. So when she tells you that she’s bored on a Saturday night, let her know that you’re on your way for a movie night. Not only will it catch her off guard and make her laugh, but it also demonstrates that you’re not content to just chat every once in a while.
Sensitivity Training
As a modern man, the bar is set quite low for many in the gender. Guys notoriously misread signals, or come off too strong, intimidating the women they’re pursuing. But this is provides an opportunity for anyone able to read the field and see that a more sensitive, sweet side can be a great help. Laughing at or flirting with a girl when she has had a bad day is an approach nearly guaranteed to end your chances with her. On the other hand, being someone a woman can talk to about deeper, more serious matters will paint you in a more positive light. Never, ever take masculinity as an excuse to not be someone to help someone feel better when they’re done.
The Compliment Game
You may think this special lady looks good every single day, but there’s a problem. The more you let her know that, the less value each of those compliments holds. If someone randomly lets you know they like your haircut on the street, it means much more than that aunt who tells you every time she sees you that you’re handsome. This is because the compliment has not been watered down by its natural enemies, repetition and bias, and therefore is significantly more valuable. Keep this in mind when doling out compliments to any girl you’re into, and you’ll find that they will land so much more effectively.
Flirting: the light touch
Flirting, like most things, is done best in moderation. If you want to get a girl to like you, you have to ensure the game is fun and casual, while also not being an eventual bore. While the grand, soul-searching conversations are great for showing her your deeper side, light flirting is great because it shows her something that is absolutely pivotal in any relationship: the ability to have fun. Throw in an emoji or two while you’re at it, and you’re spicing up any conversation, with minimal extra work on your end. Flirting, while an art form in of itself, is also a way to combine numerous previous tips: you’re expressing interest, you’re complimenting subtly, and you’re demonstrating both your humor and your boldness.
Don’t forget to have fun
With all of these tips, it can be easy to think too mechanically or robotically about talking to a girl, as you’re focused on ensuring she grows to like you. But, at its core, flirting and romance are fun – make sure they stay that way! Not only is it important for your own happiness and mental health, but it will reflect better and more honestly if you’re enjoying yourself when talking to that woman as well.
And remember – be yourself!
We know, it sounds obvious, and it’s what everyone always says. But there’s a reason for that. People generally pick up on insincerity, so if you’re just saying things you think the girl will like, eventually she’ll catch on. Even if you two hit it off in a chat room and eventually meet face-to-face, she’ll realize over time that you’ve fabricated parts of yourself to appeal to her. And she is much less likely to feel flattered by that then she is to just be upset that you’ve lied to her. So be true to yourself, and let her fall for the real you, not a constructed version.
