Have you and your boyfriend broken up and you’re now regretting it immensely? Do you want him back but you’re unsure of how to go about it without running things forever or driving him away permanently? If so, there are ten vital things to remember and change to try about how to get your boyfriend back. From improving on your own personal insecurities, to avoiding any obsessive attitudes, to taking time apart for a while and finally, thinking about how to effectively meet up to rekindle things. Let’s take an in-depth look at how to get your boyfriend back.
Top Ten Tips for How to Get Your Boyfriend Back
Part of getting your boyfriend back is improving yourself and showcasing that. However, a large part of the strategy on how to win him back is also what not to do as much as it is what you should do. Be sure to take all ten into serious consideration!
- Neediness
- Insecurities
- Desperation
- Jealousy
- Anger
- Obsession
- Time
- Self-Care
- Recreation of Image
- Meet-Up
Don’t Seem Needy
One of the very last things you want to do is act or seem needy to your ex-boyfriend. This not only makes you look desperate, but it makes you look a tad bit unhinged. Furthermore, it’s a turn off to be a needy girlfriend, let alone being a needy ex-girlfriend.
So, avoid, at all costs, doing things like calling him excessively (or at all for that matter), messaging him in annoying ways or even doing little things, like liking his posts on social media. All of these actions look downright desperate and you’ll want to avoid them as much as possible.
Lastly, it will also come off needy to continue discussing and rehashing the breakup. After you’ve broken up, it’s important you understand that as final—at least for the time being. For a while, just let it be and let things simmer down. It’s not a good idea to strive for an excess amount of communication right away because it makes you seem needy.
Work on Your Own Personal Insecurities
Chances are, part of the breakup had to do with insecurities you both brought to the table. These insecurities can be anything from jealously, to being annoying overly affectionate, to insecure about your body or image. All of these are examples of things that drive couples apart.
If there is ever any chance of you getting back together with your boyfriend, these insecurities have to be dealt with and unfortunately, they’re not just things you magically grow out of over time. They have to be focused upon and worked on, actively, each and every day. So, it’s important you make it a point to work on yourself while you and your boyfriend are broken up.
When the time come to potentially meet up, discuss your relationship with your ex-boyfriend and the possibility of rekindling things, this will be a major discussion point. If you can show you’ve taken time to work on yourself and the potential issues that brought about the breakup in the first place, it makes you look much more desirable.
Don’t Act Out of Desperation
One of the worst things you can do while not only being broken up with your boyfriend but also while still wanting to get back together with him is to act desperate. Of course, this come in many different shades and sizes, but you’ll want to tread carefully when it comes to the reasons you’re interacting.
Things like reaching out multiple times a day with messages or calls is hands down, a terrible idea. This makes you look lonely and desperate. Moreover, reaching out for anything rather than something absolutely necessary (like settling up the last month’s rent or any financial issues) is downright unnecessary and comes off as desperate. Also, be careful not to reach out in any romantic feelings whatsoever, this too seems desperate.
Acting desperate is a total turn off and is sure to only drive him further and further away so be careful with your actions! That being said, if you do need some guilty pleasure to keep you busy, in the meantime, head over to ThisCrush! If you just need to let loose a little bit, so something different and meet people, it’s a great place to begin!
Don’t Act Jealous
Part of breaking up is also realizing that people tend to move on, so if you happen to see or notice your ex-boyfriend dating, don’t freak out! It would not only come off as completely unacceptable but also extremely jealous and controlling to get angry or upset at your ex dating someone new. We’re not saying you can’t be jealous but what we are saying is that it would be highly unreasonable to act on such jealousy.
Acting out toward your ex because you’re jealous makes you looks, well, jealous, obviously, but also very immature, neither of which you want to be if you’re ever going to get him back. So, take a step back and relax, everything in good time.
Additionally, you also shouldn’t go out of your way to make him jealous. This is a common misconception in trying to “win back” an ex. Yes, you want them to want you back, eventually, but that’s not going to happen by striving to make him jealous.
Avoid Acting Out of Anger
It’s important to remember, that when you’re breaking up with someone, there are just certain things you won’t be able to take back. Speaking out of anger and getting defensive and aggressive is defiantly one of those things. Whatever you say out of anger or rage during the breakup, after or anytime in between while trying to get him back, are things you won’t be able to take back.
Not only will it be impossible to take these things back, but it will also be difficult for your ex to forgive you for them. Forgiveness and wiping the slate clean will be one of the prerequisites of getting back together and these things will be difficult to do if you said terrible, hurtful things out of anger. It’s like the old saying goes: “what you say will come back to haunt you.” And it’s so true. What you say, especially during a break up, good or bad, won’t be forgotten!
Don’t Obsess Over Him
Getting obsessive is simply a no-no and something that just won’t help your situation at all. Of course, you know you want him back but while you’re broken up, you also have to go on living your life as best you can, not dwelling on what’s already been done. When you get obsessive, you also tend to get desperate, angry, bitter and jealous and those are the last things you want.
It’s also vital that if your ex happens to see you out and about, that you portray a picture of slowly moving on. No, you don’t want to throw anything in his face, but you do want to show that you’ve gone on living your life and moving past things. The last thing you want to reflect is that you’re still devastated and obsessed with him or the breakup. Therefore, find things to occupy your time and keep yourself busy as much as possible. This will greatly help curb any obsessing.
Give It Time
After you’ve broken up with your boyfriend, or he’s broken up with you, you’ve got to give things time to blow over, emotions to heal and to fairly assess what you both want out of a rekindled relationship. There is no “ideal” time frame, not any “set” time frame, you just have to be okay with feeling things out.
During this time apart, it’s time to do well, just that—take time apart. Meaning, no contact for at least 30 days after the breakup. During this time frame, you’ll be able to focus on yourself, mend any hurt feelings and accurately think about what you want and where you want things to go. Not taking the time to have space and reflect on things is a dangerous game to play. This can lead to getting back into things too fast or making choices you know are bad for the both of you. Therefore, take time apart to sort through your own feelings, wants and needs to ensure, when the time comes to get back together, you’re both on the same page.
As a side note, something that might help while you’re taking time away from your ex, is to meet other people. It doesn’t necessarily mean you have to get into a relationship or anything serious with them, but it is fun to meet new people and it might even take your mind off you ex a bit. A great place to start is Chatib! Check it out!
Focus on Self-Care
During the time you take apart, it’s vital to make self-care a priority. The reasons for this self-care comes two-fold. First, when you’re dealing with a break up, it’s important to focus on yourself, how you’re feeling and what you want and need and as individual. Breakups can leave you reeling—emotionally, mentally and intellectually and therefore, you have to work on yourself and help yourself recover.
Secondly, when it does come time, to meet up and talk about potentially rekindling things, you’re not only going to want to look like you’re taking care of yourself but that you’ve also focused on self-improvement. If your ex-boyfriend sees this reflected in your attitudes and personality when you finally meet up again, it will reflect on your positively. A person that takes care of themselves and focuses on self-care and improvement is a person others want to be with, so be sure to make yourself and your well-being a priority.
Recreate Your Image and How Your Ex-Boyfriend Sees You
When you’re going through a break up, especially as the breakup is happening, your ex gets a certain image of you. Oftentimes, this isn’t the most flattering image we want others, but especially our ex to see. In addition, there is a chance your ex sees you and who you are as the person you were in the relationship. Generally, this also is a somewhat negative image of yourselves and one we don’t want to last.
Therefore, when you do decide to meet up with your ex to discuss things, you’re going to want to recreate the image of yourself and prove that you’ve changed your ways and worked on your shortcomings. You want to show you’re different than you were before.
Meet Up for Discussions
Of course, in order to get back together, you’ll need to meet up with your ex, perhaps many times, even, to discuss things and see where you both want things to go. In your time apart, there is a chance a lot of things have changed. You’ll have a lot to talk about and you’ll want to show them all the self-work you’ve been doing and express how you’re able to commit to this relationship and make it work.
Remember, meeting up at the right time is vital. Don’t rush things and don’t get in over your head with the meetup. Keep it casual and kind and defiantly don’t call it a date! You want to ease back into things and ensure both of you feel comfortable during this meet up. Don’t force things, just let them happen naturally.
In Conclusion
Breakups are always tough, especially if you find yourself wanting your ex-boyfriend back. It’s always a tricky situation and it can be tough to know how to act and what to do. From reigning in any jealousy or anger, to avoiding any act of desperation to working on yourself while the both of you are separated, there are many things you should especially not do as well as many areas that need your concentration. Be sure to follow these very important ten tips on how to get your boyfriend back and best of luck!
