There are five words I’ve heard time and time again during my 18 years of coaching people in their love lives: “I’m so done with dating.” Maybe you’ve said them yourself. Perhaps you’ve heard them from a friend. Either way, I get it. Dating can be exhausting, awkward, and sometimes, it feels like just another task that takes us away from things and people in our lives we actually care about.
But if you’re feeling this way, know that it’s normal and, frankly, extremely common. We all hit that point – what’s known as “the dip” – where we feel stuck, frustrated, and as if we’re banging our heads against the wall. Dating can start to feel like a chore, and that’s when we need a shift in perspective.
Tim Ferriss asks a simple yet powerful question in such moments: What would this look like if it were easy? It encourages us to step back and rethink how we approach something. Similarly, when it comes to dating, you might want to ask yourself: What would this look like if it were fun again?
If we approach dating with a fresh mindset, it can become natural, low-pressure, and even enjoyable. And that, in turn, may be the key to finding love. So today, I’m sharing seven mindsets that you can adopt right now to change how you view dating and help you find the right connection – and the best part? These tips will make dating fun again, and there’s no better time to start than now.
Mindset #1: I’m Just Here to Connect with a Human Being
Dating doesn’t need to feel like a job interview or a high-stakes test. It’s all about connection. Instead of focusing on whether someone is “the one,” ask yourself: Do I like spending time with them? Do I find them interesting?
Next time you go on a date, drop the pressure. Let go of the overwhelming question of whether they are your soulmate. Instead, focus on the conversation and enjoy the experience. This mindset allows you to enjoy the present moment and take off the unnecessary pressure.
And if you’re feeling unsure or nervous, you can always use Chatib.us, a text-based chatting platform where you can practice chatting with others in a relaxed, low-stakes environment. Use it to refine your conversational skills or simply connect with new people around the world to practice without the fear of commitment.
Mindset #2: It’s Not a Waste of Time Just Because It Doesn’t Lead Anywhere
We often think that a date is a failure if it doesn’t lead to a serious relationship right away. But that’s not true! Every date – whether it’s fun or not, whether it leads to something or not – is part of the learning process. You get to know yourself better, figure out what you want, and learn what’s important to you in a partner.
So, stop stressing over the outcome. If things don’t work out, that doesn’t mean you’ve wasted your time. Instead, it’s all part of getting closer to finding what you truly want.
Mindset #3: My Type is a Fluid Concept
We often limit ourselves by thinking that the “perfect” person must check off all the boxes on our list. But the truth is, attraction doesn’t always come from a checklist. Sometimes, it’s about feeling a connection in the moment, not necessarily about meeting someone’s exact criteria.
Open yourself to the possibility that someone who doesn’t seem like your “type” could surprise you. Real attraction often happens when you meet someone and interact with them in real life, not just through their photos.
Mindset #4: Rejection Doesn’t Mean Rejection
We’ve all been there: the sting of rejection. But it’s important to remember that rejection doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. People have all kinds of reasons for not connecting, and most of the time, it’s not personal. It’s just that the chemistry wasn’t right.
So, if someone doesn’t feel the same way, don’t take it to heart. It doesn’t mean you’re unlovable – it just means they weren’t the right fit for you.
Mindset #5: Disinterest is a Turnoff
If someone is inconsistent or flaky, it’s a clear sign that they’re not as invested in the relationship as you are. Inconsistent communication should not be seen as a challenge to be fixed. In fact, it’s a huge turnoff.
You deserve someone who is excited about spending time with you, someone who shows genuine interest in getting to know you better. A relationship where you’re constantly trying to get someone’s attention is a recipe for unhappiness. So, recognize when someone is being indifferent and move on.
Mindset #6: Finding a Partner Won’t Solve Everything
While having a loving partner can bring joy, it won’t fix every problem in your life. Dating can become high-stakes when you feel that finding the right partner is the key to your happiness. But the truth is, romantic love is just one part of a fulfilling life. You also have friends, family, hobbies, and other passions that bring you joy.
Keep that in mind when dating. Don’t put too much pressure on a relationship to “complete” you. When you take the pressure off, you can relax and enjoy the dating process, which makes it a lot more fun.
Mindset #7: You Only Need One
The truth is, you only need one person to decide they want to be with you. You don’t need to attract everyone – just the right person. And in the meantime, approach dating with curiosity and openness. When you meet that special someone, nothing else will matter.
Remember, finding love isn’t like winning the lottery. People do it every day, and whatever your circumstances, someone out there is having the best relationship of their life – and it could be your turn next.
If you’re feeling stuck or frustrated in your dating life, try taking some pressure off by enjoying the small wins. Celebrate every fun conversation, every good date, and every connection you make. By focusing on the journey rather than just the outcome, you’ll start to enjoy dating again.
And remember, you don’t have to be perfect to find love. You just need to show up – and maybe take a step into the world of Chatib.us to practice getting comfortable with dating in a fun, no-pressure way.
