If you’re here right now, I’m sorry – there’s no easy way to get around a true heartbreak after a romantic relationship. However, let’s take a look at ways you can begin to overcome heartbreak.
The pain you’re feeling is real and it’s going to hit hard. You may experience periods where you’re feeling fine but something triggers you like that song or that image and all of a sudden you want to lay down right on the floor at your office or at school and just start crying.
Thinking straight can be hard to do when you’re in this spot, and many people turn to all kinds of unhealthy behaviors to stop the pain. Many times these are short-term solutions and don’t end up helping you at all.
But, unless you got married to the first guy or girl you started dating, many of us have been through it and came out on the other side.
So – when something like this feels so impossible – what can we do to truly overcome the heartbreak that we’re feeling?
Don’t Do This Alone
If you had to ask me what I’m worst at in life, I would probably say asking someone for help.
It’s EXTREMELY hard to ask for help – and if you’re feeling some serious heartbreak right now, I’m going to guess that you’ve already talked to your friends and gone through the whole cycle.
You know the cycle… the one where you trash your ex. Pine over your ex. Whine about your ex going on a date with someone. Tell your friends your ex’s face is stupid and you can’t believe you wasted so much time.
Listen. If you’re like me, you start to analyze this behavior. “Oh my God, my friends are going to literally hate me. I’ve texted them 4 times today, and 3 of them were stories about my ex.”
Sure, that can be a bit much on your friends…but, if they’re your true friends, they’re going to understand – and when your texts focus on YOUR life and not your ex’s life, that’s when things will start to turn for you.
And that leads us to our next tip in the journey of overcoming heartbreak.
Don’t Drown
Heartbreak can consume every ounce of our soul.
When you’re truly hurting, even small things like the car radio, Facebook posts, love quotes, sports scores…anything can grab your attention and make you think of that girl or guy that broke your heart.
There’s a reason for this, though. Your brain can actually become addicted to someone and it’s basically like going through withdrawal – so, of course, hearing your old favorite song on the radio is going to trigger your brain and give you a serious hit of some pain.
Here’s the good news. YOU decide what to focus on. I had a routine when I was going through heartbreak, and I still use it sometimes even though I’ve moved on and I’m in a new relationship.
Step #1: You hear or see something that reminds you of your ex.
Step #2: (the important one) – You allow yourself to remember the positive or negative memory that this sight or sound brings to mind.
Step #3: You think about a way to create a new positive experience in the future either related to OR completely different from this memory.
I want to talk about Step #2 and Step #3 here a bit more because this is where “Focus on YOU” becomes very important.
In my life, whenever I’ve dealt with heartbreak, I’ve tried to push my feelings away. Either by ignoring them or by pretending things didn’t happen. However, then the feelings would surface even larger than before.
That’s why this 3-step method is SO important. You can’t ignore that your relationship happened. You shouldn’t ignore that your relationship happened.
And as a matter of fact, even if this person broke your heart; OF COURSE there were good times. That’s why you’re hurting so bad in the first place. You miss the good times.
I truly believe it’s best that if a great song you used to jam to with your boo comes on the radio – don’t run from it. Don’t pretend like you hate the song (even if it’s lost its meaning now).
Acknowledge it.
Know that there is good in life because of how great you felt with your ex in that time (DO NOT romanticize your ex and start going down the path like you’re going to get back with them). Again, just be aware you had good times and be aware that there’s a reason things didn’t work.
After that, move to the good stuff – Step #3.
Think about how you have the opportunity to find someone or something new where you will create many more memories like the one you’re stuck in right now.
When you leave yourself open to new possibilities, the sting of losing your old partner can’t sting quite so hard.
Distractions to Overcome Heartbreak
Sometimes, you’re not always going to be in the right mindset to just say “Well I’m going to think positive thoughts about the future” and you need to just get lost in the present if you’re going to overcome heartbreak for the time being.
Distractions can be great as long as they don’t affect your life. In fact, distractions can be very helpful to overcome heartbreak.
The main goal here is not to be laying in bed, crying over your former partner.
You want to be out and about trying new things, meeting new people, or even hanging out with old friends and going to do activities you haven’t thought of in years. New or old, it doesn’t matter – what matters is you’re putting your focus somewhere else.
Once you step outside the “heartbreak zone,” you can find all kinds of stuff going on in the world.
These can actually help you as an individual, as well.
You’ll start to feel much better if you sign up for a new workout class that you haven’t been going to lately. You have the opportunity to learn things you wouldn’t have before if you sign up for an arts class or a cooking class. You’ll create amazing memories if you go on a trip with your friends.
The main thing to remember here is that there are MANY aspects of your life, not just this one thing that went wrong.
Forgiveness
This gets very tricky – so please don’t misunderstand what I’m trying to say here.
You do NOT want to just let your former partner off the hook; OR try to justify ways that they “weren’t so bad” so you can chase after them forever.
Forgiving someone is a healing process for you and that’s the way it needs to be looked at.
If you stay caught up with anger and hurt and jealousy, you’ll never get to the mindset needed to grow with another person.
Depending on the circumstances, you may want to look at their perspective, too. A lot of times, things end between two people because things just weren’t a good fit. It’s best not to feel personally attacked or like you weren’t “good enough.” That kind of thinking won’t take you anywhere good, and it’s just a waste of time. We don’t get ranked here in life – everyone is just doing the best they can.
Self Care to Overcome Heartbreak
If you’re really going to overcome heartbreak, you’re going to need to take care of yourself.
This varies A LOT from person to person; and we’ve touched on some things already, but to truly beat heartbreak you’ve got to be okay with who you are – and the general term “self care” is a great guideline to get you where you need to be.
#1 on the Self Care List: Know Your Worth
I just touched on it in the last section. However, you need to get any and all thoughts in your mind about being “good enough” or “worthy” or any of that – throw that away immediately.
You need to have a good relationship with yourself – this is where your positivity and self-esteem will start to grow.
You are important! And you need to treat yourself as your #1 priority if you are going to grow from this experience.
Now, before we go any further, please recognize that this doesn’t mean you start being a bad friend. You don’t push people out of the way to get in the elevator and scream, “I’M NUMBER ONE!”
What you do is you realize what’s good for you.
Do you need to push for more activities? Do you need to take a break when things get too busy?
Let’s take a look at how those kinds of things can affect you coming out of a relationship.
Self Care (Balance)
I’ve touched on “staying busy” in this article, but especially coming out of a heartbreak you need to be careful about spending too much time doing one activity. Balancing self care is a necessity to overcome heartbreak.
For example, you wouldn’t want to react to heartbreak by just going to the bars every single night of your life… no one would think that’s healthy.
However, you can’t spend every night on your couch watching The Office, either.
You need to find your balance and let your body and mind tell you when you need to be doing more and when you need to be doing less. Let your friends help you with this – they should be able to identify your habits.
This also applies to work situations, family situations, anything you can think of. SO many people I know have turned to work after a bad heartbreak.
Don’t get me wrong; work can be a great distraction. But, if working 90 hours a week gives you a heart attack, that’s really the wrong kind of distraction in the end.
Self Care (Physical)
We talked about the habits and activities that may give you a better balanced life. However, the best way to take care of yourself is with physical activity. Physical self care is a great way to overcome heartbreak.
Now, you read that and you either said one of two things:
- YESSSS! I love working out! I’m gonna text my friend and go on a hike… (or)
- Uh LOL. The only running I do is to my fridge.
No matter what group you’re in, I’d recommend you find a new physical workout that you’ve never tried before. If you’re in the “LOL” group – Do not sign up for some kind of hardcore boot camp that’s going to kick your butt and make you feel defeated right away.
Know yourself.
If you’re in Group 1 – sign up for something that really pushes you like a half-marathon or a mud run. If you’re in Group 2 – maybe you do text your friend and go on that hike.
Physical fitness is all about self-awareness, and you want to do things the right way.
But – when you do, you’re going to love the results. You’ll feel better, look better (What better way to find a new partner?), and your mentality will be more positive than ever. That’s a Win – Win – Win.
Feeling Okay
At the end of the day, you have to realize that overcoming heartbreak is a process.
You’ll have good days and bad days. We all do.
Things don’t just move in one positive direction like a line on a graph; you have to allow yourself for the negatives and the days that are just plain tough. We all have them and that’s when you reach out for help.
The best way to keep the process moving in the right direction?
Keep a positive mindset of yourself and your life and realize that most people have gone through (while not exactly what you have) something similar and it’s a part of being human.
You couldn’t feel pain if you hadn’t experienced something really good, and you have the capacity as a human here on Earth to experience something amazing again.
Keep yourself open to that possibility and you’re going to find that you’re healing each and every day and that you truly can overcome the heartbreak that you feel.
One thing you can do to connect with other singles out there is to visit this chat room: http://www.chatib.us/user/chatroom/Singles-Chat-Room
It’s possible they’ll understand what you’re going through – or just throw yourself into something completely new! You got this!
