This article introduces you to a list of the most important dating tips for men. We’ve all been there. I feel like, over time, women have somehow developed the bad rep in dating. Calling too much, texting too often, being needy, clingy, high maintenance; if we’re going to call a spade a spade, the list goes on forever.
In the modern day world, however, women have developed their own list of Red Flags and Dating Donts that have seemed to upstage men’s dating wish lists.
Living in Los Angeles, the age range of my girlfriends extends from 22-40. We Angelenos don’t really abide by the same romantic timeline as, say, everyone in my suburban hometown does. You’re not seen as a “spinster” if you’re not married by 30. In fact, many people prefer to hold off on married life while they concentrate on their own success. That’s not to say there’s anything wrong with getting married at an early age; I have plenty of friends who married young and are happily in love many, many years later.
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Why am I telling you this? Because the feedback I hear on dating faux pas men commit are all the same, no matter what age you are. And in a generation where we’re all marrying later, dating more, and vocalizing our wants and needs more than ever before, it’s important to know the little things that make a big difference (huge!) in the early stages of dating.
When I started the outline for this article, I wrote out a list of everything that personally reels me in on a first date. I’m talking deal-sealers, guys. Little things that guys I’m not even that into from the start have done that leave me smitten; in turn, things that have turned me off to men that I was really excited to go out with.
I then consulted a girls’ group I’m in of approximately 25,000 women from all over the world to see what their make-or-breaks are on dates. Unsurprisingly, our lists matched up perfectly.
Conclusively, here’s the thing: Men have this reputation of being simple (Beer! Football! Sex!), but at the end of the day, it’s actually women who can very easily be impressed by the right gestures and behavior. The best part about it? Most of these dating tips are characteristics and essential qualities that men already possess, but are too hesitant to expose them on the first few dates!
For the sake of my sanity as well as all of my single friends’, I hope that some of these essential dating tips are things that you already know. In which case, allow me to elaborate as to why they’re important and let you catch a glimpse of why our minds work the way that they do. Think of this as your Mel Gibson in What Women Want moment.
Pick a Specific Place, Time, and Activity
This is actually the #1 tip that my girlfriends and I mutually agree on. There’s something incredibly mature and sexy about men taking the initiative in planning the first date. That is why this is absolutely one of the most important dating tips for men.
I’m sure you’ve all seen the meme of the scene from The Notebook, where Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams are yelling at each other in the rain. If you haven’t, the meme caption is him yelling “What do you want to eat?!”, and her screaming “I DON’T KNOW!!”
This is, unfortunately, accurate with most women; myself included. Our days are busy enough with work and other forms of adulting, not to mention the time it takes to find a first-date outfit that tightropes the fine line between sexy and classy. We don’t need the added stress of going back and forth about dinner options.
A couple of years ago, I met this guy who I couldn’t decide for the life of me if I was into or not. He texted me and asked me if I “wanted to grab dinner sometime”. I noncommittally said sure, and he responded with “Tuesday? Perch? 8PM?” … Not only was I sold, I was taken aback. It was such a simple act that made me instantaneously more attracted to him, and one that I realized men never do.
Pro-tip: Don’t tell your date what you’re going to do, as this can come off as a bit controlling if not orchestrated correctly. Notice that aforementioned guy used question marks instead of periods (punctuation is important, gentlemen). If going to dinner, pick a place with a wide range of options so you know there will be something suitable for her potential dietary needs.
Manners, Manners, Manners
This should seem like a given, but you’d be surprised. Forget the “cool guy” for a second, and pay attention to what your mother may have taught you. This absolutely cannot be stressed enough as one of the most important dating tips for men.
I’ve had the same response my entire adult life when asked what my biggest turn-on is, and that’s manners and etiquette. This isn’t narrowed down to just your date; we 100% pay attention to how you treat everyone around you. Politeness to staff is absolutely imperative, as well as other patrons in the vicinity (No exaggeration, I once fell in love with a guy after he stopped to help a man in a wheelchair across a street full of potholes, as we were walking to see a movie. Swoooon).
The basics that should come second nature:
-ALWAYS open doors for her.
-Let her sit first. Pull out her chair if permissible.
-Offer her your jacket if it’s cold out.
-Walk on the street’s side of her.
-Always use your May I’s, Please’s, and Thank You’s
-For God’s sake, chew with your mouth closed and use a napkin when you eat. You’re not a barbarian.
Allow me to put it to you this way in terms of how extremely significant manners are; no woman in the history of time has ever come home from a date and group texted her girlfriends that she’s not into a man because he has incredible manners.
Don’t Interrupt!
This falls under #2, but is an important enough tip that I’m giving it it’s own category as one of the most important dating tips for men.
We’re all guilty of it. In conversation—whether with friends, family, or a romantic interest—we tend to cut each other off from time to time if what the other person is saying triggers you to want to give your own input. My friends very well know that it’s one of my biggest pet peeves, and I try to refrain from doing it as much as possible. Even still, I have my moments, because we’re all human and self-restraint doesn’t come naturally.
The difference between accidentally interrupting your friends and interrupting your date is that your friends are going to love you regardless. They’re your friends, you’ve built a lasting connection. When you’re first getting to know someone, they don’t know to take it with a grain of salt. It not only comes off as rude and inconsiderate, but it makes it seem like you could not care less about what your date is saying. Even worse, that you feel what you have to say is more important. Worst, a combination of the two where you’re just waiting for her to finish talking so that you can start.
Furthermore, women will always be impressed by little details that you remember. If you spend the whole date thinking about what you’re going to say next, you’ll never learn things about her that—not only—will come in handy in the future, but will help you decide if you want to see her again.
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Don’t. Talk. About. Money.
I don’t care about whether you have a lot of it or very little. Both are equally unattractive pivotal points of conversation, and not talking about it at all is one of the most important dating tips for men.
I’ve been on dates with wildly successful men and dates with struggling actors and musicians. What do some of them have in common? They talk about money. If you talk about your financial success, it sounds like you’re bragging- which you are. It also makes it look like you’re overcompensating for other things you may lack (whether that be physical, mental, or emotional).
The only time a girl is going to be impressed by your wealth is if she’s only going out with you for your money. In which case, by all means fill her in on your lavish vacations, Tom Ford collection, and exotic cars. However, if that’s what you’re looking for then you should probably disregard this entire article because nothing else will matter to her except for your wallet.
If you talk about your financial woes, it sets a negative and depressing mood to the entire evening. Do you really want to impress a girl by making her feel sorry for you? That is literally the opposite reason of why she’s out with you to begin with, which is to have a good time and get to know you for you instead of what’s in your bank account. Women are intuitive from the start, so if you’re trying to let her know that you can’t take care of her financially, she probably already knew that before accepting the date.
Ask Questions and Let Her In
There are two parts to this, because I believe they go hand-in-hand. Women love talking about themselves as much as men do (admittedly more, for some of us). In my personal experience, I’ve been on a lot of dates where the guy is trying to keep the awkward pauses in conversation at a minimum, so he fills the void with dominating the conversation.
Just last weekend, one of my girlfriends called me after her date to fill me in. She told me everything about his life—and I mean everything—from what his parents do for a living, to his dog’s name from when he was a child, to what his ex-girlfriend was like (another very solid dating rule- don’t bring up the ex). I jokingly asked her if she got a word in edgewise, and she launched into full-rant mode over how she literally didn’t say a single word on the date. He asked her zero questions about her life to the point that she found it comical.
First dates are about getting to know the other person. Avoid talking about yourself the whole time and ask her questions to show her you’re interested in who she is and how she became that way. Keep it lighthearted conversation, but also throw in a couple of deeper questions to really see inside.
Concurrently, let her in. Show her your vulnerable side! Sure it’s fun to learn about each other’s hobbies, friends, what your take on Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga is, so on and so forth, but it’s wildly attractive when you feel like you’re learning something about a new guy that he wouldn’t tell a stranger at a party. These go hand-in-hand as one of the most important dating tips for men.
Keep Your Phone in Your Pocket
Two relationships ago, my boyfriend and I kept our phones on the table. It wasn’t thought of by either of us as a sign of disrespect; I work in the entertainment industry, he plays professional baseball, both of our jobs require us to be in constant communication with our reps. But we got in the habit of staying glued to our phones the whole time we were out (and at home), texting our friends constantly, and never actually being present with each other. When we called it quits, I didn’t even think twice before having my phone out when going on dates, because I spent years in a relationship where it was the norm. No harm, no foul, right?
In my last relationship, I started noticing a few dates in that he never had his phone out. He never even complained that I was always paying attention to mine (because he is a saint), it was just something that he felt was important when spending one-on-one time with each other.
I soon organically took after him and kept my phone in my purse every time we were alone together. First of all, it was more liberating than I realized to free myself of what’s glued to my hand normally. Secondly, it made us both more present, which demonstrated the respect we had for one another.
To this day, I always keep my phone in my purse on dates. If the guy I’m with does as well, he immediately gains like 1,000 points in my book and, I promise you, it’ll do the same for you. That is why keeping your phone in your pocket is one of the most important dating tips for men.
Eye Contact
After you’ve put your phone in your pocket, don’t defeat the purpose by looking up, down, side to side (unintentional song lyric reference).
Eye contact is INCREDIBLY important on dates, and cannot be stressed enough as one of the most important dating tips for men. All too often, we get uncomfortable with looking someone directly in the eyes while either talking or listening to them. It’s a habit I’ve had to break, which ADD can partially be to blame, and the results have been amazing. All it takes is one of you to initiate eye contact throughout your date in order for the other person to follow suit, and that person should be you.
Not only does eye contact make your date feel physically attractive, but it’s another sign of respect and attention you’re giving her with one simple gesture. She’ll appreciate you for it and love how special it makes her feel.
Appearance
This is a seemingly superficial tip that has a lot of depth, and positively one of the most important dating tips for men.
You don’t want to be the guy on a dinner date who’s picking up his fork with dirt underneath his fingernails. First impressions are important in every life scenario and shouldn’t be overlooked on dates. These are things she’ll remember; you never, ever want to leave a girl with a visual embedded in her brain of your pit stains or wrinkled t-shirt.
Another maaajorly important factor within keeping up your appearance is hygiene! Brush your hair and your teeth before the date, always have gum or mints on you, definitely don’t forget deodorant, and cologne is a nice touch but please don’t overdo it.
Let’s be honest, you both agreed to this date because you’re physically attracted to each other. Just as you’re subconsciously expecting her to show up looking like she actually cared about looking good for you, she expects the same. You’re here to charm her pants off (figuratively speaking…), personality goes a long way but let’s also speak to her sex drive.
Be Clear About What You Want
THIS. IS. KEY. As much as men would like us to be psychic, we are not. It never ends well for either side if you both go into the date with a different mindset from the other.
Communication is the firm foundation of all relationships in life. Especially in the dating world. Don’t be afraid to speak your mind in terms of what’s on it, or what you’re looking for. Make this clear from the get-go instead of leaving her playing guessing games to try and figure out where your head’s at.
If you’re not looking for anything serious, let her know. If you’re on a date because you’re open to the possibility of a future together, let her now. Either way, LET HER KNOW. She will respect you for it and you can either cut ties or move forward.
Equally as important, be clear AFTER the date. Sure, games are a thing that everyone thinks they should play in order to keep the other person on their feet, but they’re not as fun as we like to think they are. If you want to see her again, just tell her. Forget the head games and the headache. And don’t ever, EVER, “ghost”. It’s disrespectful and a testament to your overall character.
At the end of the day, you should always be yourself when pursuing a romantic interest. The truth comes out sooner or later, and you don’t want to be the scene in a movie where someone is feeding you your every line through an earpiece. However, take these dating tips into consideration on your future dates; most of them are overall areas of self-improvement that can be beneficial to yourself and your relationships in all aspects of life when put into practice.
